Very Detached - Place Quickly!!

October 25 2011 - Well finally, after waiting 4 months I have received my 'social and medical information' files!!

This is a massive thing for me. I am so excited but so nervous to open the envelope. What is it going to reveal?  

I've got to keep in mind that what I read in these files, still may not be accurate or truthful. I've heard many stories of birth mothers providing false information to authorities at the time by choice, need and/or coercion as well as even the authorities themselves writing whatever they want on the forms without the birthmothers knowledge or consent; such were the times!


Anyway, lets see whats in here.....

Robert : Does he know..yes! Does he acknowlegde..yes!

This is the bit I was told about earlier. On the original paper the fathers surname is written there. As you can see on my copy is a nice white empty space! According to this, my birthfather was born and educated in Tumut NSW, lived in Cronulla NSW at time of my birth, and knew and acknowledged the pregnancy and 'would if asked' contribute towards expenses.

So he knew about me? I really want to be able to find him, or even his family if he is dead as Judith has told me. I just wish I was able to know his full name.  

In the meantime my caseworker S. at the adoption agency is searching his name at Births, Deaths & Marriages. I hope something comes up there.

From what I can gather this is the social workers notes on the situation at the time

"..Judy was very calm - had not seen baby & seemed very detached...."

Reading this bought tears to my eyes. This is when it hit me that she really never did want me. In her world I really was a mistake. 

I should be grateful, and I am, that she didn't just eradicate that mistake when it first happened. I still struggle though to understand how a mother can carry a child for 9 months and not show at least a little attachment or care.

Just like a bandaid.. do it quick and its less painful? But for who?

I think she just wanted the whole thing to be over and forgotten with. Or maybe she just didn't want to see me and wanted placement done quick, because perhaps she wouldnt be able to go through with it if she did. 

Maybe she did love me..I can hope, cant I?

Nice of them to note that i was a 'pretty well formed child! Haha

Heres that Unnamed Child again.

Even with the Supreme Court of NSW, I was known as UNNAMED FEMALE CHILD! I guess its better then being given one name by birthmother, then having it changed later by adoptive parents as happened to many many adoptees. 

.. 'satisfied this placement is in best interests of the child..' 

Well like I have explained earlier I did have a good upbringing and a loving family. So maybe i was lucky and this was for the best. Who really knows.  

Also in these files was some medical reports. Some information I already knew about such as I had a 'clicky hip' and a squint in one eye, both of which must have corrected themselves as I grew because I dont have either of them issues now.  

I already knew my birthweight, 3.42kgs (or 7.5 pound in old scale) but now I knew my length at birth 53.5cm  (21") and head circumference 35.3cm (14") and my AGPAR score 7/10, then 10/10!

These files have been a real eye opener for me! I know I will spend many hours and days going over and over everything in here, trying to get a better understanding of what the situation was at the time. 

In fact it was the next day I noticed something I had missed the day before. 

On one of these forms, it listed Judiths address at the time in Penshurst Sydney NSW, but had C/O a Mr & Mrs C. (im withholding full surname from public view for their privacy). I knew Judith worked as a live in carer and domestic worker, so figured this name and address was that of her employer. 

Was this a potential link to knowing more about my birthmother and possibly birth father. The way I see it.. if I see a door even just a little ajar, I'm going to look into it..never know what I will find!

The surname of Mr & Mrs C was not a common name. A look in the white pages in the general Penshurst area found a match! I ring it. An elderly gentleman answered, I explained my situation to him and he said his aunt in Gundagai might be able to help. I ring her and got a sweet 90 yr old lady.She may be 90 but when I explained who I was and who I was asking about she remembered my birth mother. Her son was Judiths employer! Judith used to look after this ladys grandkids. He now lived in Queensland and was currently unwell, but she said she would call him and when he was better would get him to call me! 

I dont know what I'm expecting from him, or if he will even talk or remember anything. He wasnt family, he is just a link to my birthmother, right at the time that I was born, so lets hope! 

What have I got to lose, right? I just have to wait for his return call.......

Me as a bubba :)