Nearly 3 months ago I surfaced from the depths of uncertainty and took a deep breath.. a gasp actually, as my hopes became clearer.
The DNA results for L (my potential birthfather) came in.
"He is NOT your father!!"
Whilst his DNA does match with mine, and quite highly, it's not high enough to put him in the 'parent' category. The results indicate that he is very likely to be an uncle, so it seems that L's late brother Bernie must be my birthfather.
I got my answers... well partly. More so , I know who is definately not my father, and now left with knowing who is probably my father but no way of getting that 100% guarantee. And he is passed away. No spouse ever, and no known children so noone closer then uncle or cousin to get to know.
It's another crushing blow to me as the realization hits me that I'm not ever going to get to meet my birth father.
I want to know more about Bernie.. who was he, what was he like? Do I look like him. I ask around with some of these cousins but noone seems to know a lot about him... noone has photos.. noone knows when or where he passed away.
I so dearly would love to develop a kinship with Lenny and his family. They all appear to be friendly and open but in all honesty I'm not feeling that I'm wanted or that i will ever be a part of their extended family. The need to be welcomed and acknowledged in the family I was born from is so strong. I even had another attempt to reach out to my birth sisters after a number of years of giving them time and space. They are still not ready to deal with me in their life.. I don't think they ever will be. One just ignores and the other does a complete block on any contact. Why? Why is it so hard to accept that I exist.
No comments:
Post a Comment