I wonder..'do I look like my father?'

OK so its been nearly 5 months since my last post.. and 5 months since I located my birth sisters profiles on facebook. Its been a tough 5 months, even those closest to me don't realise how tough. Some days are a lot harder then others but I soldier on.

I still haven't had the courage or strength up to make contact with my sisters, or to make a phone call to Judy (my birthmother). Some people have said 'just do it' or said they 'don't know how I've held back from coming forward'.. all I can say is, as much as I have desperately wanted to, it just hasn't felt the right time or the right thing to do. I think its still a case of me wanting to keep the peace. I don't want to cause drama.. heck there's enough of that already in this word!

But I do regularly look at their profiles on facebook. I know what football team they go for. I know what movies they've been to at the cinema. I've seen photos of their family, including my mother. Personally I see a  clear physical resemblance of me in one sister, and a little in the other... but none at all in the mother, which leads me to wonder "Do I look like my father??"

I would love to post a photo of the sisters and Judy here for you all to look for similarities, but again I will respect their privacy and hold back. If you would like to see privately, write your email address below in the comments and I'll send a copy.

As you may recall, when I did my big trip in January of this year, part of it involved going to Gundagai, a place where Judy was born and raised. I wanted to just be in the town that raised my mother.. to see things that she would have grown up with. To see if there was any answers waiting to fall into my lap to my myriad of questions.. there wasn't.  But a few weeks ago, when I looked at my sisters facebook, I seen something that really stirred some emotions!

She wrote 'surprised mum! told her to dress warm. Took her home to Gundagai!' She went on to say about Judys' aunt and uncle getting a nice surprise to open their door and see her there, and how Judy showed them where she grew up..went to school..learnt to swim etc. These are things I wanted to know about! She should be telling me these stories, showing me these places! Don't I deserve to know?? Instead of being kept locked away as a dirty secret.. a mistake!

I'm a simple person. I don't want for a lot in this world. I didn't ask to be put in this situation, but it's the cards I was dealt with, and I have to just play the best way I can. Hopefully some time soon I get brave to show my cards to those that also have a right to know their complete family... my sisters!

On a happier note, I have just spent a few days with my 'birth' cousin Chris who i first met a couple years ago. Although our connection stems back to our mutual great great grandfather George, having someone in my life who shares the same blood (apart from my beautiful son) is something most people just take for granted. I know that family isn't just about genes and blood.. I was lucky, I grew up in a loving, supportive, caring family that I will always consider my family.

Me and Chris

But there is just something special, not many will understand the importance of, in connecting with ones own heritage, when its been denied to you for so long.

I was also lucky to meet one of Chris's brothers Steve (yes, that means another cousin!) and his lovely wife. I'm so glad they have all welcomed me and accepted me.

If only everyone was so open to my existance... !