I knew your love was unconditional and forever

Losing mum was tough, but when someone is struggling with life as much as she was you have to look at it as a blessing. Im sure now she was 'up there' running and being active, something she hadn’t been able to do for years.

My son James was only 9 months old though. Sure I had a loving husband who was a great hands-on dad, but sometimes a girl just needs her mum to offer help and advice in raising a child. I would just have to think back to how mum and dad raised me and follow that example because I think I turned out ok.

It was about 2 years later that that urge come over me again..where did I come from? I dug out the original birth certificate that I got a few years earlier and the piece of paper I had scribbled her phone number and address on.  For weeks I would just look at it. Trying to decide what to do..was I ready to do anything? 

I did a bit of research on what was the best way to approach this. I had a little booklet ‘adoption search guide – what do I do now’, which said just turning up knocking on their door (not likely as she was about 10 hours drive away), and even phoning them wasn’t recommended. It seemed writing a good old fashioned paper and pen letter was the best approach to take, but what do I say? Eventually I was able to put a letter together. 

I wasn’t even 100% sure this person I had found was my birth mother, so first thing in the letter was asking if I had even got the right person.  Then I went on to explain why I was searching and what I was hoping to get out of contacting her, all the while understanding this may put her in an awkward position with her life as it was now. I nervously posted the letter anxious about what was going to happen next!

Well I didn’t have to wait very long..within a week or so I got a letter back. Opening this was potentially going to change my life forever. 

Well..here goes, lets see what it says….

"... i am your mother.."

Wow!! Ive really found her!! So excited to keep reading her letter....

".. I dont think that i can put my family through this.."

WHAM! 

What a punch in the guts!!!

I always knew this was going to be a possibility, but I honestly wasn’t expecting a response like this! I was crushed! I was PISSED OFF! I was hurt!! How could she do this to me? 

She rejected me as a baby (for reasons I was yet to find out), and now both of us so much older and she rejected me again! Why?? 

She says ‘ I cant put my family through this’…well what am i?? You gave birth to me, how can you put ME through this? And family?..does that mean I have brothers or sisters? Why cant I have the opportunity to know about them and them about me?

I cried..and cried.. and cried! Now I wished I had listened to mum. She hadn’t wanted me to search..she didn’t want me to get hurt. Was it mothers intuition that she knew this would be the outcome?

Im sorry mum.. I wish you were still here with me. At least I knew your love was unconditional and forever.

I rang dad and told him. He had been encouraging and supportive in all this, so when I told him what she had written he was just as shattered as me. He felt bad now that it hadn’t gone as well as we hoped. Dads not a very emotional person but I really heard in his voice he was hurting for me.

This pain of rejection a second time round was just too much. Shes made her feelings loud and clear to me, so that was it!

Im not going to go any further with it! Im never going to find out where i came from! Just focus on where I'm going.

Mum will forever be my mum, and dad will forever be my dad

Life went on as normal as it did for any teenager in the 80s and 90s.

1980 - aged 5, pacman and the rubiks cube become the rage

1983 - aged 8, the first cabbage patch kids were sold. i had one with brown curly hair called Alvin, in fact i still have him :) Until just this moment writing this, i didnt realise the irony about having a cabbage patch doll..they came with adoption papers too!

1985 - aged 10, Windows program invented by Micrsosoft

1987 - aged 12, I started high school

1989 - aged 14, The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cowabunga'd into the world

1990 - aged 15, the INTERNET was created

1991 - aged 16, The Simpsons first aired on Australian TV

1992 - aged 17, i graduated high school with some of the best friends i could ask for.. Bec, Bindy, Izzy & Rach to name just a few xx

1996 - aged 21, I started what i later discovered i loved doing..working and DJing on community radio!

My adoption didnt really feature strongly in these years. 

Dont get me wrong, i was grateful (and lucky) to be raised in a loving safe family, but one time i can remember being really grateful, as selfish as it seems, was when my mum was diagnosed with a progressive terminal illness...and it was hereditary! 

Because i was adopted her illness would not be passed on to me or my children. But it did make me think, well what illnesses am i susceptible too??

Do you know how many times at doctors i get asked 'is there any medical history in your family'...and all i can say is ' I DON'T KNOW'!!

It was hard seeing mums health slowly deteriorate. But my love for her never wained. I think it was sometime after i got married in 2001 that the idea of searching for my birth family started to cross my mind.

September 2001 - My Wedding with mum and dad at the front

i can remember mentioning it to mum and dad. Dad was supportive, mum not so much. I think she was worried about me getting hurt. I also think she was scared that i might have been trying to replace her. Her health was getting slowly worse, by this stage she was in a wheelchair, unable to walk. 

But noone would EVER take her place, not even the person who gave birth to me, because she will forever be my mum and dad will forever be my dad. Out of respect and love for mum i put aside any plans to search.

She longed to see me have my own family and was utterly thrilled when in November 2004 i gave birth to James. He was 7.5 weeks prem and had to spend 6 or 7 weeks in hospital, and mum was bedbound at home so it was nearly 2 months before she could hold him.

December 2004 - Mums first hold of her grandson James

Having my own child stirred up a few emotions... how could a mother just give away their baby? why didnt she want me; did i do something wrong? these are questions that became more important to know the answers.

i thought i would at least take the first step in this lifelong journey, and do what i had to do whilst trying not to upset mum.

In the adoption search process the very first thing needed is a golden ticket they call a Supply Authority. This..

'authorises information sources under the Adoption Act 2000 to supply the bearer with certificates and other prescribed information relating to the adoption below'.

I got my golden ticket in March 2005. This finally gave me a name for my birthmother; Judy P. (as this is a public blog, i will withhold publishing surnames of people involved) the fathers name was left blank. And that was also when i first seen written in black and white my name as 'unnamed'

Unnamed Female

With this piece of paper i was able to send for my 'original birth certificate' where i learnt a little bit more about Judy..her place of birth..her address at time of my birth, and i was also able to do a marriage search to see if she married and what her married name might be.

A quick look on the electoral roll and in the white pages and i had a phone number and an address..but now what? 

Now it was time to put all this aside and focus on mum. She was fighting a battle that she couldnt win, but she was a fighter! Dad stood by her the whole way. She had seen HER daughter marry.. and seen HER daughter have a child..they were some of her greatest wishes. 

For 20 plus years she battled until she could fight no more. 

RIP Mum xxx May 1944 - August 2005

I LOVE YOU

5th February 1975.....just another Wednesday. Nothing too spectacular occurred on this day in particular (not that i could find on google anyway), other then i came screaming into the world. For a select few people though, that event was an event that changed their world.

St George Hospital, Kogarah (a southern suburb of Sydney) NSW was the place. 
I then grew up on the south coast...Albion Park & Kiama until we moved to the Far North Coast to a sleepy village called Dunoon when i was about 5 or 6.

My mum was Hilary, and my dad was Dennis and I had an older brother called Darren.

I don't remember a lot in my first few years of life, but Dunoon has some great memories. 
It was the early 80s; life was carefree and safe and a lot less expensive then today. 20c got you a heap of lollies in a white paper bag, now you can barely buy one lolly for 20c. We used to ride in the back of dear old May's ute down to Whian Whian Falls to cool off in summer. We used to climb the big fig tree at the local oval. My best were friends Belinda R. and Leisa S. and still to this day Belindas parents are good friends of mine. 

Somewhere amongst all that i found out I WAS ADOPTED! 

I don't remember actually ever being told..I've just always known. I'm grateful for this, it was no big emotional shock that traumatized me (well not that i can consciously recall). I really feel for the poor people that don't find out this kind of information until they are well and truly adults and their whole life then seems to have been a lie.

My parents, Dennis & Hilary bought me up well. I had a good life. Sure i slammed a few doors and 'ran away' to hide in the dog kennel for an hour or 2 at times, but that was just me throwing at tantrum for one reason or another..who hasnt done that?? 

They were always very open about my adoption, and my brothers (he too was adopted from another family 5 yrs earlier). It was never a negative experience, if I had questions they answered the best they could with what they knew..which wasn't much.

I can remember they had an old suitcase in the bottom of the wardrobe that was filled with all adult important papers... insurances..wills.. bank statements.. school reports.. certificates... and 

ADOPTION PAPERS!

My Adoption Papers were 2 pieces of old delicate paper, typed on with a typewriter (this was before the days of computers and printers). One piece was an Adoption Agreement the other Background Information. That was my birth mother and birth fathers life typed out on one page. There wasn't a lot of info..age..height..interests, and a brief paragraph on their family history. There was no names.. no dates.. no addresses. 



Many times I used to lay on the bottom end of mum and dads bed reading through this, I guess imagining what my birthparents were like. But I was happy..I had a good family that loved me. These other people were just that..other people who created me but for whatever reason they didnt want me so i didnt need them. 

I just got on with living..growing up.. having fun with friends. Some friends knew about my adoption..many didnt. It wasnt that it was a secret, it just wasnt an issue..good or bad. 

Maybe one day down the track i'd delve further, but for now there was more important things to worry about... boys..school..parties..and i had parents that cared and loved me!!

Think back to the year 1975..

Think back to the year 1975....

it was the year that colour television transmissions begin in Australia; 

it was the year of music like Skyhooks – Horror Movie, John Lennon – Stand By Me and John Denver – Thank God Im A Country boy; 

it was the year that the film “Picnic At Hanging Rock” was released and went on to become an Aussie classic, the year One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest won the Academy Award for Best Picture, the year Monty Python & The Holy Grail was released, and the highest grossing film of 1975 was Jaws.

It was also the year the Vietnam war ended!

And it was the year I made my entrance into the world!!

All them milestones I mentioned have been well documented, all except my entrance. Now im not anyone of high importance to the general population….

“to the world you might be one person, but to one person you  might be the world”

… but the story of my life..my family..my heritage..my journey is a little different to the average Joe Blow and its one I want to document. If not for your reading pleasure, at least for me to have a place to express myself, to keep a record of information and just maybe it will help me deal with this rollercoaster ride I call ADOPTION!

So sit down, strap in and hold on while i take you on this ride with me. 

But before we can head into the unknown thats ahead, i need to first cover whats gone on in the last 38 years which will take time, so be sure to keep checking in. 

Together we will eventually discover who is that 'unnamed girl' born in 1975!!