And so, another 3 months have passed since my last entry. I must say its been quite a progressive and interesting time.
After being about 6 months and not hearing anything more from my birth sister since the initial contact, I was feeling that hurt of rejection surface all over again.
I'd written to her asking if she would help me with obtaining that critical piece of paper from the adoption agency with my birth fathers name on it (it could only be released to my birthmother upon her request) but had no response so I was getting desperate. I NEEDED to know and they were my only chance to get it. So I gathered all the application forms needed to be signed and posted it off to N pleading that she help get Judy to sign these. If she would only ever do one thing for me could it please be this; I promised to never bother them again if thats what they wanted.
A coupe more anxious weeks passed until I finally got an email from N. on the 16th July 2015.
She went on to explain that she had tried to write to me several
times in the last few months but after only a few lines found that she was stuck. ..
" I really don't know what it is that I want to
write... it seems that I'm just writing because I think its the
right thing to do not because its something that I want to do..it just seems forced to me still not something natural."
At least she was honest about her feelings, as much as it hurts me to hear. Maybe in the future things might change for her.. for everyone.
But she did act on my request to get the forms signed and have that critical file released with no omissions. She sent me a copy of the file and it has my birth fathers surname for me to see! Thankyou!
I NOW HAVE A NAME OF MY BIRTHFATHER!
Robert Paton
Now I can finally start my own search.
You may recall way back in my first phone call to Judy in 2010, in the same conversation that she had told me numerous times that I was a mistake..she also said that 'He was dead' when I asked who my birthfather was. I didnt know whether to believe this or not as she has not always been truthful or agreeable to the information I had gathered regarding my adoption.
But I decided rather then to go stir crazy trying to make all the pieces fit, to just go with what I had and see if it all fell into place.
So I put a call out to some online searchers who devote many hours helping reunite families and friends. After doing a death record search a couple of matches were found.. some were ruled out by age.. year..location ect, but one remained. There were a few indiscrepencies but I've got to rememeber that some of the information on my adoption files may not be totally accurate or have come from a reliable source.. I have to allow room for error.
I sent away for an extract of this persons death certificate, hoping it will give some more information to help this puzzle start taking shape. It did. It had his parents names, which led me to finding a newspaper clipping about his mothers passing in 2007 that listed other siblings names (his brothers and sisters).
A visit to the electoral office last week to look up the siblings names and addresses gave me a list that I was then able to search through in the white pages. For a few days I sat looking at the list, hesitant and anxious. Unsure whether to make a phone call or not. Scared of what may come.. more rejection? More denial? It might even be the complete wrong family that im looking for.
Thursday 13th August 2015 - what have I got to lose! Just ring and see what happens.
And so I did! The first couple I tried went to voicemail so I hung up. There was another who's address was a caravan park. I rang there and spoke to the office lady who confirmed there was a Paton living there and she would pass on my number. A few hours later I get the call!
He says Robert (or Bobby as they all knew him) was his uncle. He suggested I needed to call his mother (Bobbys sister) as she knows more. Before I rang her, he'd already called her to tell her I was about to call...and then she had rung her only surviving brother to talk to him.. so by the time I had got through to her she was able to tell me that her brother said, yes Bobby and Judy dated for a few years in Gundagai!
OMG! Really!! So they definately were together.
Finally, this puzzle of my life and where I come from is starting to come together. And do you know what is best of all... I'm being accepted.. I'm being welcomed.
Another thing she said was that their late mother had often said she always thought that Bobby had a daughter! Im not sure if that was just a mothers intuition or if she actually knew something, or just a hope she had, but either way.. it seems to be true!
I'm Bobby's girl!
The next day or 2 I 'met' a few new cousins on facebook and they were able to show me some photos of Bobbys parents and siblings, but at this stage im still waiting anxiously for a photo of him!
Im blown away by how nice the whole family is..how much they are happy to know of my existance..
a few little quotes from messages from my new cousins include...
Hi Donna, I believe we're cousins. Welcome to the Paton family
To my family, your a part of Bobby they never knew existed, something they never thought could happen
Always nice to find family'
Bobby had beautiful dark curls
You and your family are a blessing
I am truly blessed.
I'm looking forward to getting to know everyone and learning all I can about the man that was my father. It does need to be said though, that as much as we all want this to be true and as much as it appears that it is, we do need to get it verified for certain which we will look into in the coming weeks! But I am feeling and believing that Bobby was my father!
Its a really mixed up feeling. Being so happy that the mystery is getting solved, and being accepted into a beautiful family... but being so sad knowing now that I'll never get the chance to meet him myself, or to hear his voice. How can I miss someone so much that I never ever got the chance to meet!
RIP Bobby
(My Father)
xx
