So again it's been nearly 6 months since my last update. I wish I could come here and write some exciting happy uplifting news about my journey... but I've got nothing.
I sent those letters off I mentioned last time, and have never got any kind of response or reply. I guess they have no need or want for an extra family member. I've been trying to make connections with people who may be related but it's getting nowhere.
Unless you are or have ever been in my shoes facing a similar situation, it's hard to get an understanding of this need I have to find birth family and to be accepted in their lives. It doesn't matter that I have my own family now and that I have great adoptive family and that I have great friends around me.. none of that will ever heal that break that is within me from not knowing and not being accepted by birth family. I've literally had someone close say "screw them...we are your family.. forget about them"!! It doesn't work like that. I think I've got better at masking the hurt from those close. Or maybe I'm just more accepting of the rejection as I get older.
But I am feeling that I'm close to that point of saying, well I tried! I've put myself out there...made myself vulnerable.. opened myself up and have straight out asked for acceptance. Is there anything more I can do. Do I give up and accept defeat. I probably should. I probably can't!
It breaks my heart every time I read a happy reunion story, or how others are finding all these parents/siblings/ cousins that are so pleased to welcome a new found family member. I've had one, a 3rd cousin who has been super supportive and who makes an effort to keep in touch. But I've had a birth mother, birth sisters, numerous 1st, 2nd and 3rd cousins and Aunts/Uncles that have either rejected me or just dismissed me like yesterday's news. I'm nothing to them. That hurts!
And to close, today marks the first day of Spring in Australia. The first day of new beginnings. The first day of fresh hope. And also it marks Fathers Day. So to my dad Dennis, I wish a Happy Fathers Day. And to my birthfather, wherever and whoever he may be, I also wish a Happy Fathers Day.
