A couple of months ago, I had a support person call Judy on my behalf to let her know I would at some point try and make contact with my sisters, but wanted to give her the opportunity to tell them herself, rather then some stranger.
I didn't follow through with this for some time until about 2 weeks ago. I didn't want to just come out with this big revelation to the girls, but I needed to take a step forward.. carefully.
After much umming and ahhing, and with a nervous hand I decided to send a friend request to one of them on facebook! Talk about anxiety running overtime!
Would she accept..then what?
Would she decline without a word spoken, and I'd still be no further ahead?
Would she know who I was?
Would she start asking questions? A tense few days followed until about 7am Tuesday November 11th, Rememberance Day.
DING! went my facebook messenger on my phone. I looked down and seen her icon pop up on my screen. There was a message from her. Thoughts started flying through my mind. Was it going to say 'go away'.. was it going to say 'who are you?'.. was it going to say 'hi sis'?
My heart racing, I clicked on it to open up, and started to read. Tears started to fall from my eyes as I realised this was actually happening. It felt surreal, I had to keep looking up, focusing my eyes then looking back to the screen expecting there to be nothing, that I was just imagining it. But it was real.
And it was a long message. One that she has obviously put a lot of thought and time into writing.
I won't relay her message word for word here, as it is obviously a private piece between myself and her, but the main thing that hits me, is that her and her sister know about me! From what I can tell, its only been fairly recently that they have been told (perhaps after that last call to Judy..i dont know?) and they are still trying to understand and comprehend the situation.
I'm just so grateful that now they at least know I exist, and can now make that decision for themselves as to whether they want a big sister in their lives. She makes no promises of a 'happy ever after' but she was kind enough to at least respond and acknowledge me. I thank you for that N.
So, now I have emailed her and suggested that they all read this blog. I hope it will give them a little understanding on my thoughts and feelings on this journey.
I have tried to be nothing but honest and upfront, expressed joy when I was happy.. cried tears when I've been hurt.. and banged my head when I've been frustrated.
As the blog title says... its a rollercoaster ride, thats for sure.
And now after this last development, I'm turning a corner in the dark tunnel....what lies ahead? Time will tell!
And I do also need to mention one more thing that was in that message..
"..when we heard about you we wondered what you looked like but now seeing this there is no doubt... ...I know straight away I am staring at my mother.."
