Just 16 days till Christmas!!
A happy time but it can also be a little melancholic, when I think about the birth family I don't know and that doesn't know me... the grandparents that James doesn't know..aunts and uncles.. cousins.
But this Christmas Season I am feeling hopeful. I have my family around and I have some really good friends who support me and encourage me. They know who they are!!
I've spoke here previously about doing a trip to Sydney and surrounds to further my adoption searching. I'm very happy to say that it is going to happen in January 2014!
Me, my son James and one of my closest friends, Janice will be making our way to Sydney in the first week of January.
Our itinerary, if all things go to plan, is first to have a week in the city doing all the fun touristy stuff.. Taronga Zoo..Luna Park.. Darling Harbour etc. Then to take a few days concentrating on adoption matters.
I have, in the last week called a couple of 'family' that I have spoken about in other posts, to tell them of my plans and to ask if it is ok for me to meet up with them, even just to say hi. The ones I have spoken to have said they are happy for that.
But here's my conundrum.. Judith! My birthmother.
Do I call her now to tell her I'll be down there? Do I call her at all?
Do I just show up on her doorstep? Do I just 'stalk' her from a distance?
Do I approach her husband, or her daughters..my sisters! Or do I do nothing????
I'd be interested to hear others thoughts on this. I know ultimately it will be my decision and one I have to live with no matter what the outcome. And it will be a decision that's probably not made until the last minute.
To do nothing, I run the risk of it being too late.. of never getting any answers or comfort.
I may never get this opportunity again.
If I do confront her I run the risk of her completely shutting me out, even more then she does now.
They are the negatives of the situation. Are there any positives? Well she could welcome me with open arms but in all honesty I don't hold much hope for that.
I just don't know whats the best thing to do...the right thing? And the right thing by who? Her, or me?
Well..time will tell! January is going to be a big month!
I'll take this opportunity now to wish everyone that has taken the time to read my story..the people I know..the ones I don't and the ones I will meet sometime soon hopefully, a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year - 2014!!
